Many people arrive at recovery angry at a God they were handed as children, or empty of any God at all. Both conditions are workable. What does not work is the demand that you feel certain before you ask for help.
“God as we understood Him” is a mercy in the program, not a loophole. It means you are not required to borrow someone else’s certainty. It also means you are not permitted to call your own craving God. A Higher Power has to be higher than the thing that keeps wrecking you.
Begin with contact, not a system
You do not need a theory of the universe today. You need a direction to face when you tell the truth. Face it. Say what you did, what you fear, and what you want to be kept from. If the only honest name you have is Help, use that name until a truer one is given.
People of deep faith sometimes fear this openness. They think it dilutes God. In practice it does the opposite. It removes the fake god you have been negotiating with: the one who only exists to approve of you, or the one you use as a reason to despise yourself. The God who can restore a person is not fragile around your confusion.
A test that is not a trick
Live for a day as if you are not the final authority on your own life. When you are about to lie, pause. When you are about to take the first drink or follow the old compulsion, ask for a stay and then move your body toward a person or a meeting. Watch what happens to the next right action, not to your feelings about theology.
If you want a next page, read Honesty before eloquence.